


Copycat Snake

by AnonMax



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Crack, BAMF Haruno Sakura, Crack Treated Seriously, Prompt Fic, Rating May Change, Smart Uzumaki Naruto, Team 7 Isn't Just a Redo of the Sannin, Team Bonding, Team as Family, Timeline What Timeline, accidentally starting off more serious than intended whoops, because the naruto timeline is fucked so i gotta make do, in that he's not a genius but he's not a total dumbass, team 7 isn't a copy of the old
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-25
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-07-01 19:02:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15780174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonMax/pseuds/AnonMax
Summary: When Anko accidentally kills Kakashi two days before team selection, with no other options, she decides the only rational option to the whole fiasco is quite simple: be Kakashi! After all, it's not like it'll be hard to be an infamously friendless and lazy jounin.Right?





	Copycat Snake

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Lots of Ideas](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13939710) by [Dovey](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dovey/pseuds/Dovey). 



   Her day had started off fairly typical. Get some dango on the way to work, mildly terrorize a few civilians who hissed snake-whore under their breathes at her, and break a few bandits, political prisoners, and shinobi. Then, of course, torment and harass the T & I secretaries while complaining about the paperwork she had to do, and annoy Ibiki.

   Of course, as any good shinobi could confidently say, no plan survives contact. With anything. Even if that plan was just to have a relatively uneventful day- at least, by nin standards. Maybe it had been karma, or simple chance. Either way, to say that she was screwed was a pretty big understatement. Because in front of Mitarashi Anko, laying only about five feet away, was Hatake Kakashi, collapsed on the ground.

 _Dead._ It wasn't anything her fault- honest. Alright, maybe partially. She definitely  _shouldn't_ have used her fast acting, poisoned senbon on him when he startled her. Definitely should've switched those out the moment her mission was over. Or not just sat there and yelled at him after for being a "motherfucking cock-sucking whore who had no common sense under all his goddamn hair." Especially once he started panicking and collapsed on her.

    "Fuck," she hissed, head twisting and turning wildly around as she tried to spot any nearby nin. Thankfully, there wasn't any. She'd been on her way back from a mission, A-ranked, fairly standard, one she'd had to complete alone. Anko was pretty far from anyone else, being close enough to the walls that not much was built around them beyond guard towers, but far enough that no one would've spotted her from here in the brush. Plus, Kakashi had died... surprisingly quietly. He hadn't really resisted.

    Huh. Maybe he'd just decided to finally keel over. The fucker had always had a bit of a death wish. Not surprising, considering just about everyone he'd ever loved had died, and the only living memory he had left besides one or two acquaintances was sometimes literally living in the gutter eating trash. At least this made it easier for her. Well, not really.

   Slowly she walked over to Kakashi, and leaned over him slightly, squinting. He was still right now, but it was possible he  _was_ still alive. After all, she wasn't a sensor. Maybe- just-

   It went against her every hardened instinct as a tokubetsu jounin, and as a seasoned shinobi, to get closer to such a dangerous opponent such as  _Copycat Nin Hatake Kakashi,_ but there was no other choice. She suddenly jerked out a foot and poked him, and then jumped back like a startled little cat. 

    _Fuck._ She wasn't a pussy- she had to get over herself. Swallowing her screaming gut urge to bolt and run, Anko slowly kneeled down and closer, and raised a hand with two fingers up, other hand reaching for a kunai. Gently, hesitantly she placed her fingers on his neck, feeling around for a pulse. For a few moments, she sat there in dead silence. Her face paled.

    _Nothing._

   The only thing that kept her from scrambling about and panicking like a genin without their jounin-sensei for the first time was her training as an interrogator, and the years spent being accused by the council, civilians and shinobi alike of treachery. With a cool calm she slid her hand along his arm and pressed against his wrist, and then the other.

   Still nothing. He was dead.

   There was no way she could go back from her mission now. Certainly, her poison wasn't unique, but it wouldn't be hard for the Hokage to order an Inuzuka to sniff out who the culprit was, and  _oops!_ Looked like poor little Anko had turned traitor- just like her filthy, slimy snake of a sensei- like everyone had expected. Oh well. She'd be lucky to get any kind of token protest from anyone but Kurenai, much less a trial. It'd be a fairly clean cut case of justice.

   Quickly she rummaged through her mind for ideas. She could defect from Konoha, after all, she was returning from an assassination mission she was meant to have been covertly doing alone. It wouldn't be too strange if she up and died with no one the wiser, even if her target was dead. Hell, she could even bring in her own head to a bounty station with a little cash slid to one of the owners on the side to help her with the deception. Sometimes opposing nin fought and killed eachother over the same target, and no one would be too eager to look into the death of someone not well loved, especially like her.

  (she wondered, briefly, bitterly, if orochimaru would even pause to mourn her, if he would miss her)

   But... she didn't want to defect from Konoha. Konoha was her  _home,_ where all her shitty friends lived, and she got that dango at the same times every day like clock work, and all the jounin who liked her, hell, who even just  _tolerated_ her lived. She'd sworn from the moment that Orochimaru who defected she'd stay loyal, even 'till her dying breath. There was no way she could leave. Maybe, just maybe, if she could just... fake it, she could stay. Cover up the death. But how?

   Suddenly, the idea came upon her, and it practically stole her breath, both with the ingenious creativity and absolute _stupidity_ of it. She threw her head back and cackled silently. It was idiotic, it was insane. There was no way it would work, living in Konoha, with the Inuzuka who could sniff her out, or the Hyuuga that could see right through her with their Byakugan, or the Aburame's kikaichu, with their ability to taste it. Not to even mention how she very much was  _not,_ in fact, Hatake Kakashi, and couldn't use half his techniques, and would never be able to call upon his infamous summons.

   There were, however, a few factors working in her favor. Firstly, he had absolutely no friends besides Gai, who hardly was close enough to him to call her on her bluff, and as a gossip queen (an absolute must as a member of Torture and Interrogation) she knew that Hatake had recently been put up as a jounin sensei. There, with those disgusting little wannabe genin, there'd be no one experienced or skilled enough to call her out on her bluff if she played it safe, and it would be easy to regularly get out of the village for training and...  _C-ranks._ And, finally, to the knowledge of absolutely no one... Mitarashi Anko was a fuuinjustu master, courtesy to her desperation to get rid of the cursed seal. 

  With a dramatic crack of her knuckles and a false grin, she raised her thumb to her mouth to summon some snakes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First fic I've ever done- hoping it's sufficient. I think I might over use italics, but they always seem appropriate, damn it.  
> Feel free to give feedback, just please don't be harsh about it.
> 
> Taken (with permission) from Dovey's prompt, 
> 
> "anko accidentally kills kakashi like two days before teams are assigned. not wanting to deal with the repurcussions, she decides to masquarade as him, does a passable job, and ends up being a MUCH BETTER SENSEI then kakashi was, if an even weirder one. her number one focus besides teaching them to survive is DONT TRUST WEIRD MEN. ESPECIALLY ONES WITH SNAKES!!!! so sasuke? does not leave the village. also anko has no idea what kakashis tragic backstory is so she makes a new one everytime someone asks."
> 
> This may have been a lot more serious and realistic than such a prompt was meant to be, though. Oops.


End file.
